


Things You Say When You're Alone

by Truthbound



Series: All We Can Say (SniperScout) [1]
Category: Team Fortress 2
Genre: M/M, canon domination lines, scout isnt in it but there will maybe be a sequel, technically ship fic, voicelines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-17
Updated: 2018-12-17
Packaged: 2019-09-20 21:12:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,125
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17030115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Truthbound/pseuds/Truthbound
Summary: Sniper was always one to focus on the job, but he never thought much about it. That is until Spy makes an unpleasant visit and he learns he had a bit of a habit to mumble to himself on the job.





	Things You Say When You're Alone

Sniper always has loved his job. He was efficient, professional, and bloody good at what he does. It was like bird watching, or what his Mom used to call ‘people watching’. He would grow up sitting in public with his mom, too anxious to interact with any of the strangers and his ma would just pat him on the back and say ‘Well, just watch them then. They’re far more interesting that way anyways.’ So he did. Only difference now being he wasn’t on a bench observing family feuds, but in a nest yards away watching his targets fight a family feud. It was cathartic. Take the shot. Get the kill. Rinse and repeat. He got a fat check to send home and peace and quiet in his camper. 

And so that was what he was doing right now. He was sprawled out over his couch staring at nothing above him in nice, respectable silence. No team to bother him on his comfortable day off. He’d made sure of that. Everyone was out doing other things and he was certain no one wanted to get to his van anyways. 

He was wrong. 

There is a loud knock at the door to the back of his van, and what sounds like a polite cough. He rolls off his musty old couch and beelines to the door. He peaks through the window. Great. It was Spy. 

“I told y’all I was-” Sniper immediately says after opening the door, but his visiter shoves him aside and sits curtly on the couch. 

“Good afternoon Mr. Sniper.” Spy replied. He picks up a speck of dirt off the worn couch and flicks it away as if it personally offended him. “Do you know why I am here?” 

“Well, I don’t bloody know. I thought I made it perfectly clear I wanted some fuckin’ peace and quiet.” 

“Yes, I won't be long. I can see you’re a very busy man.” Sniper could practically taste the sarcasm in those words. He clenches his jaw. 

“Alright then. Get at it.” 

Spy smirks and pulls out an audio recording device. Too small to be just a tape recorder, but Sniper never was one to pay attention to technology. Leave that to the engineer. 

“For purposes I will not delve on I have been listening to each and every one of you. And you, mon ami, have said some very interesting things when you think no one is listening.” 

Sniper freezes, wrinkles his nose, and then spits. “I shouldn’t have expected more from a filthy spook.” Spy smiles a bit wider. 

“It is not, ahem, a pleasure to hear everyone’s voice but I came to some interesting information when listening to you.” Spy adjusts his suit, trying to slyly eye Sniper as if he knew something he shouldn’t, “And you, Bushman, talk to yourself quite a bit.”

Sniper rolls his eyes. He knows everyone does that, even if he hadn’t realized he did it too. Scout was always saying something and Soldier wouldn’t shut up about maggots and America. It was just customary to fill the silence with white noise. 

“Allow me to play some of these quips you make to some of the enemies when you, ahem, dominate them.” Spy sets the device down, and clicks a button. After a second of whirring a grainy version of Snipers voice fills the room. 

_ “Gotcha, ya mental defective!”  _

Sniper eyes Spy, “So wot. It’s-” 

“Non, this is not the concerning thing. This is just the, ah, build up.” Spy clicks another button and another line spews out. 

_ “Oi, lend us yer shovel, so I can dig yer grave!”  _

_ "Sorry there, nurse, I mistook ya for an actual threat!" _

_ "Ace reflexes, ya bomb-chuckin' waste of good scotch!" _

Sniper moves from the door he was leaning on and sits down. Spy hastily scoots over so that Sniper doesn’t crush the recorder in his drop onto the couch. 

“I’m not seein the issue here, mate.” Sniper carefully looks into Spy’s eyes. 

“Ah yes. Well, those are all terriblely mean things to say to people, you would agree, yes?” Spy chuckles. 

“Well, yeah. But it’s not like I-” But once again Spy cuts him off. 

“I want you to hear some things you’ve said about our petit lapin.” Spy clicks the recorder again, and holds it down until he looks satisfied. 

_ "That'll slow ya down, ya twitchy hooligan!"  _

Sniper doesn’t see the significance of that. It’s true that Scout has criminal tendencies, they all do. They are all actively criminals. But, before he can think about it further another one plays. 

_ "Gotcha, ya spastic little gremlin!"  _

He remembers when he said this. The BLU Scout had given him quite the fight the day before, almost actively seeking him out. Sniper tried to get a swing in at Scout at the time but he kept on dodging his every blow. He went to bed that night frustrated on his immaculate kill streak being ruined by some punk kid with a baseball bat. The next day he got his revenge and uttered that under his breath. 

_ "Couldn't skip around that, could ya? Ya precious little posey!" _

Before Sniper could even think about what he just heard, he felt Spy shake with laughter. The man before him was giggling, clutching his face with his hands ready to mock Sniper. 

“Precious? Vous trouvez Jeremy précieux, mon ami?” Spy cackled. Breathing heavily through his nose, he wipes a tear away. 

Sniper was getting red in the face, he can’t remember why he said it but he was certain there was a good reason for it. 

“Bushman, you had some awful, terrible things to say about our enemies, but when it comes to Scout… You say ‘twitchy hooligan’ and, haha, ‘precious posey’?” Spy leans in, “If I didn’t know any better I’d say you were getting soft for the boy.” 

Sniper picks up the recorder and slams into his carpet. Spy stares, even more smug knowing that his suspicions were right. He  _ was _ soft for Scout. It was priceless. 

“Get outta here, ya retched snake. It aint none of yer business what I say when I’m snipin’.” 

“Non, non, you are correct. I will leave…” Spy snatches the dented machine from the floor, “But, if you care to know BLU Scout always goes for a run into Teufort in, say, a couple of hours. You could catch him if you leave now,  _ mon ami _ .” 

Spy briskly walks off before Sniper could throttle him and leaves Sniper to be alone with his thoughts. He thinks that maybe he doesn’t want to be alone right now after all. He doesn’t want to think about this. But, something inside him makes him look at the clock. 

He has time. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Yes, all the italicized things are canon voice lines sniper says. Honestly, he's really mean but I found it funny the contrast between the tiny insults at scout and the 'no one would miss you if you died' lines he says to others.  
> Please leave a comment if you want a sequel of sniper goin to meet up with blu scout. thanks!!!!


End file.
